Bacon Scented Underwear – so many kinds of wrong

From time to time, random bits of PR fluff pass my way. This is one such time. As you may already know, the Minister is a big fan of pork products (hence triple pork nirvana). But there are some things that pork should not feature in, such as machine gun bacon. Here are more of them…

J&D’s Foods, makers of Bacon Salt, are pleased to announce the launch of Bacon Scented Underwear, the world’s first underwear that looks and smells like bacon. Yes, this is real.

Bacon Underwear_women
I really wish it wasn’t real. What an utterly horrendous idea, bacon pants. It gets worse.

Marrying the ultimate in comfort and cured meat, J&D’s Bacon Scented Underwear represents the gold standard of meat-scented luxury undergarments. Each pair is hand crafted in the USA to offer the support of briefs, the freedom of boxers and the smell of breakfast cooking in your pants. You really can have it all.

There really shouldn’t be a gold standard for meat-scented underwear. Sadly, we must continue this horrid journey, as there’s more…

Featuring state of the art moisture wicking and scent emission technology stolen from NASA, we’ve embedded everyone’s favourite smell into the fabric of your pants. This intoxicating scent will last through multiple wash cycles and wearings – depending on the (ahem) strength of your own scent, your underwear should continue to smell like bacon for up to 6 months or even a year.

Why would anyone want to do that? Why? There’s just a little bit more left…

Our legal team has advised us to post the following serious warnings:

•       J&D’s Bacon Scented Underwear is not recommended for people in the following professions: mail carriers, zoo keepers, veterinarians, dog catchers and walkers, and circus performers (especially lion tamers).

•       If you have a large dog with razor sharp teeth, please do not fall asleep in J&D’s Bacon Scented Underwear.

•       If you are hiking in the woods where bears are known to roam, please do not wear Bacon Scented Underwear without also carrying a firearm.

If you have something wrong with you, then you can buy J&D’s Bacon Scented Underwear at www.baconunderwear.com at $19.99 per pair. Sadly, it comes in male and female styles and sizes.

Bacon Underwear_men

 

And if this wasn’t bad enough, the same company also make Bacon Lip Balm, Bacon Soda, Baconlube, Bacon Shaving Cream, Bacon Deodorant and Bacon Pillowcases. The world has truly gone mad.